22 Weeks

22 weeks! I can't praise God enough. I feel Adalyn move and it brings me such joy inside - I can't describe just how I feel. She is becoming more and more of a night owl. It's comforting that she is so active but hard to sleep! People tell me that she is just preparing me for what is to come! Thank goodness I will have 6 weeks off of work.

Our next appointment is next Thursday. I can't wait to see her and find out how much she has grown. Pretty soon she will weigh a pound. Crazy to think that she will weigh as much as what Alyssa weighed when she was born. So many bittersweet milestones.

Only 14 weeks left!

Thanksgiving and 20 Weeks!

20 weeks! Woo hoo! Can I just say that time has gone by so fast? It feels like just the other day I found out I was pregnant and now we are eating turkey and pumpkin pie. 16 weeks to go! For those of you who don't know I will have Adalyn at 36 weeks (37 at the most). This is because of the emergency c-section with Alyssa. I can't go to 40 weeks. It also means that I will have another c-section. Just to clarify. :)

We went to Columbia to bring more gift cards and meet our second family. God has blessed us in so many ways. We've met a lot of people that support and encourage us. He's also given us a way to help others and reach out. It's just awesome!

We spent Thanksgiving with our friends that we met while we were in the NICU. They donated the diaper bag and invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. It's so nice to be able to see their daughter grow - she's walking and talking now! Crazy and I can't help but wonder if Alyssa would be doing the same.

When we went to the NICU, the social worker gave us a CD of pictures that were taken the day she passed. I don't remember someone being in there when we were holding her or anytime before but I guess someone was. I haven't looked at them - I can't bring myself to right now. Maybe one day.

In other exciting news, Jamie felt Adalyn kick! I mean how awesome! He didn't believe me when I told him that I felt her kick from the outside. He swore that she was too small. But he felt her kick 3 times! I didn't say "I told you so" but I couldn't help but think it! I'm so happy he was able to feel her. He never felt Alyssa kick and I was hoping that he would feel Adalyn. He felt her on Thanksgiving day - isn't that awesome? :)

Fall is Here!

How I love fall! I love that the weather is (somewhat) cooler and the leaves - oh the leaves! So beautiful. I enjoy driving around this time of year to see all the trees. The best thing? The countdown to Thanksgiving! Can I just say how much I am looking forward to turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and oh goodness pumpkin pie? Oh yummy. Little miss is ready for her first taste of Thanksgiving food.

Oh in case you don't know we found out that we are having a little girl! Can't say how excited we are. Well as of now she is a she. We'll find out 100% November 15 when we have a 3D ultrasound. Can't wait for that! We wanted to do that with Alyssa but never got the chance to. We decided to name her Adalyn Marie. And if she turns out to be a he we will be just as happy and his name will be Ethan Hunter.

Wednesday I will be 17 weeks. Morning sickness (well actually all day sickness) has come to a halt! I can now pretty much eat anything although pizza still doesn't really excite me much. Thought I would test it out yesterday while watching the Auburn game but one piece was enough. What I really enjoyed were the hot wings. Weird how things you avoided before you were pregnant are now the things that you crave. I guess the combination of hot wings and football excited the baby girl because I felt a flutter! So this means 1 of 2 things...1) She is really a he or 2) She is going to be a total daddy's girl. :)

I know I have been slacking on ultrasound pictures but I haven't had a chance to scan them yet. I will be very soon and will post pictures of the peanut soon!

Third Time's the Charm

It's official! Pregnant for the third time. And this time it seems like everything is going well. I pray that everything continues to go that way. We are both so excited. This pregnancy is the same as the other 2 but different. Good different. A couple more weeks an we an find out what we are having. Yes I plan on doing that - I am a planner! We decided on names. Ethan Hunter if we are having a boy and Adalyn Marie if we are having a girl. Everyone keeps asking me what I want and honestly I want a healthy baby. I want to go from a pound of butter to a butterball. :) As long as my baby is healthy I am happy.

It's hard to believe that I am pregnant again. No matter what happens I will always choose God. Even if I end up with a soccer team in heaven. I will keep everyone posted on the developments and eventually scan one of our ultrasound pictures.

As for cravings I have a lot of them. Just depends on the day. It's funny. A lot of the things I avoided when I was pregnant with Alyssa are what I avoid. And a lot of what I wanted when I was pregnant with Alyssa are what I want. Like cake and ranch corn nuts. It's a nice connection.

In other news Jamie is still recovering from his surgery. We're both kinda helpless with me being tired all the time and Jamie only having one arm to do stuff with. But now that the walk is done I can rest a little more! Yay!

Alyssa's Birthday

Today is Alyssa's first birthday. It truly breaks my heart but at the same time this is the day that God blessed us with her. I can't help but cry and at the same time rejoice.

One year ago our world was turned upside down. I was flown to Columbia for an emergency C-section not knowing whether I would ever see my little girl alive. But God gave us time with her and I am so thankful for that.

We got to see how she always wanted her left foot outside of her snuglet. Every time the nurse would put it back in, she would always find a way to stick it back out. We got to see how she wanted to know everything that was going on. If someone came into the room she would always look. One day she started to get upset at a doctor who she could not see. That's when I realized that I had a feisty little one on my hands (FLO for short). We were able to read to her, to sing to her, and to place one giant finger in her tiny hand. We had really good days and really bad days. We were told that she wouldn't make it but she made it 11 days more than what they thought. Our little girl was a fighter and an inspiration to many. My little girl, my precious angel who would be turning 1 today.

How my heart aches. I should be choosing her party outfit and theme. I know one day we will be together and for that, my heart rejoices. I like to think that when that happens we'll have the biggest, awesomest party ever. I mean, Jesus and my little girl will be there and that in itself makes it awesome!

We decided to get a cherry blossom tree for her birthday. We'll plant it at church. Cherry blossoms were what Alyssa's room was going to be decorated in so I think that tree is more than fitting for our little girl. I think we may get a cake because we want to celebrate her birth. What better way to celebrate than with cake?

So Happy Birthday, my sweet little girl. Be on the lookout for the balloons we are sending up. We love you so much!

Empty Nest

Ok so it's been a loooong time. But my family visited to include my mom, sister, and brothers! They stayed with me for almost a month. It just made me realize how much I want to be near family. Especially since my brothers are growing up so much. We had so much fun hanging out. And I had to take them to the airport today. Booo!

Jamie is finishing up his last red cycle (yay!). Who knows what God has for us (or where actually) in the near future. Everything is up in the air. I really really reaaaaaaally want to stay here. I honestly thought I would never say that. But this is where my heart is right now and I want to continue to be involved in my church and the foundation (of course!). Here is a picture of us having fun with the photo booth. Ahhhh I miss them.

Prayer 101

No this post isn't an introduction to prayer or how to pray but rather to pray first in every situation. Back in April Jamie got me a charm bracelet with a heart locket that has Alyssa's initials engraved on the back.

I had a lot to do today and I remembered putting my bracelet on and the locket was there. I went to the bank, the commissary and the shoppette. When I got home I started to put away the groceries and wanted to start working on the cupcakes I am taking to Jamie's work tomorrow. I went to take off my bracelet and the locket wasn't there.

Upset is such an understatement. I called all the places I went to, hoping someone found it and returned it. I couldn't remember the last time I saw it. I even called USAA to see what I had to do to make a claim on our valuable personal property. I didn't want to make a claim yet - I was going to wait a couple of days to see if it would turn up.

Funny how I did all this before I prayed. After crying on the phone with the USAA rep a small voice asked me if I had exhausted all my options. I realized that the first thing I should have done was prayed. I was so frantic to retrace my steps that I didn't even think about asking for help.

I prayed and I asked if I could find it or someone honest would find it. After praying I felt better and decided to make the cupcakes. After I finished I started to straighten up around the house. When I went to put away some purses I had dragged out, I heard "Look in the laundry basket". And there it was! It had been in my house the whole time, even before I left the house.

I don't know why I always try to fix the problem myself before praying. You'd think I would have learned by now! Another lesson in Prayer 101.

Hold My Heart

Thursday was Hold My Heart's ribbon cutting. I didn't think Jamie was going to be able to attend but he surprised me! It was so nice to see him there as well as really great friends. It's nice to know so many support us and encourage us in this endeavor. As scary as it may be sometimes, I know that this is what God wants us to do. Sometimes it seems daunting but if we help one person who may come to a relationship with Christ then our mission is accomplished. Of course we want to help as many people as we can and it is this purpose that keeps me going no matter how overwhelmed I feel.

God will give us the right people at the right time. At Crossover I spoke with each band. It is my dream to have a benefit concert with uplifting music. Not everyone seemed receptive and that is fine. Jackie was there to support me (I really appreciate it Jackalita). I am going to share our story everyone who will listen. I spoke with Sanctus Real and Matt (the lead singer) seemed interested. When we left I told Jackie that people who are going through or have gone through or know someone who is/is going through what we went through will be more willing to help us. People help causes that they are affected by or feel closest to. I understand that. Well later on that night it turns out that Matt is going through a similar situation. I didn't know prior to speaking with him and it truly amazes me how God weaves everything together. I can't see the design of it but I have to trust no matter what - even if it seems like it is unravelling. Please pray for him and his family and check out their music. I really like "Keep My Heart Alive" from their new CD. It's beautiful and is how I feel sometimes.

As hard as it has been Hold My Heart has been a life saver. I've always wanted a way to help others in a way that glorifies God, no matter what the cost. I've had to learn sacrifice, patience, trust (among other things) this past year. I have to hold on that this will make me and Jamie better ambassadors for Christ. I want this foundation to succeed for His will and also for my daughter. In a way it is a way that I can be a mother to her here on Earth. It might be hard to understand but I didn't get a chance to do what normal new mommies get to do. So in a way this is my way to show my love for God and for my beautiful daughter. It's what motivates me and keeps me from crumbling under the enormous weight I feel at times.

I know a lot of you support us and for that I am so thankful. There are so many people that I can and can't name that have been there for us. I hope you know how thankful we are for you.

Summertime

Summer! I am excited for this summer. There is so much to do and so much to look forward to. I'm not going to talk too much about the organization in this blog except that I am very excited about possible things this summer.

My family is coming out in July. Both of my brothers will be here and I am so so soooooo excited about that! I have been thinking of things to do here in Missouri and I am also excited that they will be here for the walk for Hold My Heart (please pray that this works out!). Also my mom and grandma will be here and I'm looking forward to just spending time with them. Hopefully Jessica will come out as well.

This weekend we went camping with our good friends Mark, Jackie, their 4 kiddos and Adam. Let me tell you it was not camping camping. It was light camping. We slept in a camper and I was able to take a shower - but it was super fun! I realized this weekend that graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow make for a delicious snack. I guess I forgot just how yummy smores are! I want another one!

Jamie's class graduates Thursday but he has to pick up another class on Monday. Boo! Which means that I will have just a couple of days with him before I won't see him again. Please pray that everything goes well with this group of privates. This will be Jamie's last full red phase. Amazing how time flies.

Speaking of...Yesterday was the 9-month mark. Crazy to think that just a year ago I was barely showing and craving, well everything. Three more months will be a year and I can't believe that time has flown so quickly. God has blessed us in so many ways and I truly hope that people can see more of Him and less of me. I know Jamie feels that way as well and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to be a better person everyday. I know you all continue to pray for us and I thank you for that.

Now it is time to shop!!! Ahhhh summer. :)

News

So I am seeing a new doctor. One of my friends suggested that I get tested for clotting. I went a couple of weeks ago and they took 16 vials! 16! It was pretty crazy and funny. I had 4 lab techs going over all of the labels to make sure they had all the correct vials. And yesterday the results were in...

Turns out I have Factor V. What? I know. My thinking too. But it turns out that my friend who suggested that I get tested for it has it as well. Amazing how God sets everything into place isn't it? I would have never asked to get tested if it weren't for Lisa.

So what does it mean? Basically that I have a clotting problem. I have an appointment May 18 and we will then lay out a treatment and go over everything. I'm not too sure about everything and I will have more information. But basically it can cause complications with the umbilical cord and miscarriage. Which is what I went through with Alyssa and the twins.

When I first found out I was angry. In a way it was like revisiting a lot of what I had put to peace. But Jamie brought up a good point...there's no reason to revisit or wonder what if. What we know now will help the future but can't change the past. I just couldn't help but be upset. Why didn't the doctor at least check with Alyssa? I couldn't help but think maybe it would have helped her.

But the blessing is that now we know. I pray that we will not lose another baby and one day we will have lots to post about our baby!

Paintball and 13 miles

This weekend was fun and challening. Fun for Jamie, challenging for me. Jamie paintballed and it was fun watching him. I walked 13 miles and about died. Ok so maybe I'm overexaggerating but I really could not walk for the rest of the day Saturday. Although it hurt Sunday and today I felt energized and I wanted to go out and walk...maybe not 13 miles but more than what I usually do.

Jamie's little brother (Johnny) is in town. It's nice because he enjoys to cook. So we'll make some meals together. He joined the National Guard and will be going through basic this summer. Amazing how time flies. This year Jamie and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary. When I first met Johnny he was 13. Now he's 21 and in the National Guard! Crazy.

It's so nice to catch up with people; I truly love Facebook! This month I've found at least 5 people that I went to middle school with. I miss those days! It's so nice to catch up with everyone and see what they are up to. Yay for Facebook! :)

A Nice Break

Spring Break was needed. It allowed me to relax and grieve. Jamie and I were able to spend a lot of time together. Most importantly I was able to spend a lot of time with God.

The couple of weeks before Spring Break I felt like I had to appear held together but on the inside I was broken. My first day back to work after losing the twins was difficult. I figured I would get back into the routine. But I would find myself sitting at my desk trying to work with tears going down my face. And the more I continued to press into my routine the more easily I would lose it.

I felt hurt and abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why. Why again? And once the enemy finds just a small hole...Confusion just plagued every thought. Every prayer would end up with me sobbing. I was never angry. Just confused. Hurt.

Casting Crowns has a great song called "Praise You in this Storm". So that's what I did. I made myself praise God. And I found that the more I praised God the less I felt tormented. I resolved to spend as much of the day praising God.

So that's what I did over Spring Break. The weight of sorrow that I felt after losing the twins isn't suffocating me anymore. Of course I am still saddened by the loss. But I feel joy in my heart. And after praying one day I felt like God was telling me that big things like twins will come - just not now.

And I'm ok with that.

Spring is Here!

Well spring is here but it is cold! I wanted to go outside and walk with my new Reebok shoes but noooo. Cold and rainy. Instead, Jamie and I cleaned our house from top to bottom. I love a clean house! I love love when Jamie helps!

Jamie is now in school which means weekends off (yay!) and dinners every day with me...until school ends. He has a lot to do so please pray for him. He came home the first day with homework! For those of you who don't know he was promoted the 1st. Here's a pic of my hubby! I'm so proud of him!

Heartbreak Again

Many of you may not know the recent news. We found out March 3 that we were having twins. We were so excited and thankful that we had 2 babies. But on Sunday we lost both of them.

I can't begin to tell you how I feel. But I am still hopeful and I trust that God will see us through. I am so thankful for everyone who loves us and is always there for us.

We are going to try again but in a few months. I'm going to let my body and heart heal. I know God will bless us with a baby one day and it is that hope that keeps me going. I also know that my 3 beautiful children are in heaven, playing together. Some days that makes me feel good and some days it makes me bawl. It definetely has not been easy for us and we ask that you keep us in your prayers.

Korean Food is Oh So Good!

Well I'm five weeks now! I am huuuuuuungry. All the time. I am trying my best to eat fruits and vegetables but honestly...they don't hold me over. I feel like my stomach has already popped out a little. Crazy? I know. I'm not eating THAT much. But this morning I looked down and it was there.

My first ultrasound is next Thursday to confirm cardiac activity. I'm so excited to see our baby for the first time. Besides the fact that I'm a ravenous tired hippo (that's what I feel like sometimes) I don't feel pregnant if that makes sense. I remember thinking that with Alyssa. I leave this post rather short. No big updates right now until next Thursday!

Surprise!

Well for those of you who do not know I am pregnant! From what I figure I am 4 weeks. I can't describe how happy I am and how blessed I feel. God is truly so good. Please pray that we have a healthy baby!


I am not going to really tell anyone (ie Facebook) until I am further along. But a good friend requested that I at least blog about this pregnancy privately until then. So if I have forgotten anyone please let me know and I will add them! :)

So as of today I am not drinking caffeine, artificial sweeteners or anything like that. I am going to take it easy and just let everything happen. I know God is in control! So thank you for your prayers and well wishes!