A Nice Break

Spring Break was needed. It allowed me to relax and grieve. Jamie and I were able to spend a lot of time together. Most importantly I was able to spend a lot of time with God.

The couple of weeks before Spring Break I felt like I had to appear held together but on the inside I was broken. My first day back to work after losing the twins was difficult. I figured I would get back into the routine. But I would find myself sitting at my desk trying to work with tears going down my face. And the more I continued to press into my routine the more easily I would lose it.

I felt hurt and abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why. Why again? And once the enemy finds just a small hole...Confusion just plagued every thought. Every prayer would end up with me sobbing. I was never angry. Just confused. Hurt.

Casting Crowns has a great song called "Praise You in this Storm". So that's what I did. I made myself praise God. And I found that the more I praised God the less I felt tormented. I resolved to spend as much of the day praising God.

So that's what I did over Spring Break. The weight of sorrow that I felt after losing the twins isn't suffocating me anymore. Of course I am still saddened by the loss. But I feel joy in my heart. And after praying one day I felt like God was telling me that big things like twins will come - just not now.

And I'm ok with that.

Spring is Here!

Well spring is here but it is cold! I wanted to go outside and walk with my new Reebok shoes but noooo. Cold and rainy. Instead, Jamie and I cleaned our house from top to bottom. I love a clean house! I love love when Jamie helps!

Jamie is now in school which means weekends off (yay!) and dinners every day with me...until school ends. He has a lot to do so please pray for him. He came home the first day with homework! For those of you who don't know he was promoted the 1st. Here's a pic of my hubby! I'm so proud of him!

Heartbreak Again

Many of you may not know the recent news. We found out March 3 that we were having twins. We were so excited and thankful that we had 2 babies. But on Sunday we lost both of them.

I can't begin to tell you how I feel. But I am still hopeful and I trust that God will see us through. I am so thankful for everyone who loves us and is always there for us.

We are going to try again but in a few months. I'm going to let my body and heart heal. I know God will bless us with a baby one day and it is that hope that keeps me going. I also know that my 3 beautiful children are in heaven, playing together. Some days that makes me feel good and some days it makes me bawl. It definetely has not been easy for us and we ask that you keep us in your prayers.