Summertime

Summer! I am excited for this summer. There is so much to do and so much to look forward to. I'm not going to talk too much about the organization in this blog except that I am very excited about possible things this summer.

My family is coming out in July. Both of my brothers will be here and I am so so soooooo excited about that! I have been thinking of things to do here in Missouri and I am also excited that they will be here for the walk for Hold My Heart (please pray that this works out!). Also my mom and grandma will be here and I'm looking forward to just spending time with them. Hopefully Jessica will come out as well.

This weekend we went camping with our good friends Mark, Jackie, their 4 kiddos and Adam. Let me tell you it was not camping camping. It was light camping. We slept in a camper and I was able to take a shower - but it was super fun! I realized this weekend that graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow make for a delicious snack. I guess I forgot just how yummy smores are! I want another one!

Jamie's class graduates Thursday but he has to pick up another class on Monday. Boo! Which means that I will have just a couple of days with him before I won't see him again. Please pray that everything goes well with this group of privates. This will be Jamie's last full red phase. Amazing how time flies.

Speaking of...Yesterday was the 9-month mark. Crazy to think that just a year ago I was barely showing and craving, well everything. Three more months will be a year and I can't believe that time has flown so quickly. God has blessed us in so many ways and I truly hope that people can see more of Him and less of me. I know Jamie feels that way as well and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to be a better person everyday. I know you all continue to pray for us and I thank you for that.

Now it is time to shop!!! Ahhhh summer. :)

News

So I am seeing a new doctor. One of my friends suggested that I get tested for clotting. I went a couple of weeks ago and they took 16 vials! 16! It was pretty crazy and funny. I had 4 lab techs going over all of the labels to make sure they had all the correct vials. And yesterday the results were in...

Turns out I have Factor V. What? I know. My thinking too. But it turns out that my friend who suggested that I get tested for it has it as well. Amazing how God sets everything into place isn't it? I would have never asked to get tested if it weren't for Lisa.

So what does it mean? Basically that I have a clotting problem. I have an appointment May 18 and we will then lay out a treatment and go over everything. I'm not too sure about everything and I will have more information. But basically it can cause complications with the umbilical cord and miscarriage. Which is what I went through with Alyssa and the twins.

When I first found out I was angry. In a way it was like revisiting a lot of what I had put to peace. But Jamie brought up a good point...there's no reason to revisit or wonder what if. What we know now will help the future but can't change the past. I just couldn't help but be upset. Why didn't the doctor at least check with Alyssa? I couldn't help but think maybe it would have helped her.

But the blessing is that now we know. I pray that we will not lose another baby and one day we will have lots to post about our baby!

Paintball and 13 miles

This weekend was fun and challening. Fun for Jamie, challenging for me. Jamie paintballed and it was fun watching him. I walked 13 miles and about died. Ok so maybe I'm overexaggerating but I really could not walk for the rest of the day Saturday. Although it hurt Sunday and today I felt energized and I wanted to go out and walk...maybe not 13 miles but more than what I usually do.

Jamie's little brother (Johnny) is in town. It's nice because he enjoys to cook. So we'll make some meals together. He joined the National Guard and will be going through basic this summer. Amazing how time flies. This year Jamie and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary. When I first met Johnny he was 13. Now he's 21 and in the National Guard! Crazy.

It's so nice to catch up with people; I truly love Facebook! This month I've found at least 5 people that I went to middle school with. I miss those days! It's so nice to catch up with everyone and see what they are up to. Yay for Facebook! :)

A Nice Break

Spring Break was needed. It allowed me to relax and grieve. Jamie and I were able to spend a lot of time together. Most importantly I was able to spend a lot of time with God.

The couple of weeks before Spring Break I felt like I had to appear held together but on the inside I was broken. My first day back to work after losing the twins was difficult. I figured I would get back into the routine. But I would find myself sitting at my desk trying to work with tears going down my face. And the more I continued to press into my routine the more easily I would lose it.

I felt hurt and abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why. Why again? And once the enemy finds just a small hole...Confusion just plagued every thought. Every prayer would end up with me sobbing. I was never angry. Just confused. Hurt.

Casting Crowns has a great song called "Praise You in this Storm". So that's what I did. I made myself praise God. And I found that the more I praised God the less I felt tormented. I resolved to spend as much of the day praising God.

So that's what I did over Spring Break. The weight of sorrow that I felt after losing the twins isn't suffocating me anymore. Of course I am still saddened by the loss. But I feel joy in my heart. And after praying one day I felt like God was telling me that big things like twins will come - just not now.

And I'm ok with that.

Spring is Here!

Well spring is here but it is cold! I wanted to go outside and walk with my new Reebok shoes but noooo. Cold and rainy. Instead, Jamie and I cleaned our house from top to bottom. I love a clean house! I love love when Jamie helps!

Jamie is now in school which means weekends off (yay!) and dinners every day with me...until school ends. He has a lot to do so please pray for him. He came home the first day with homework! For those of you who don't know he was promoted the 1st. Here's a pic of my hubby! I'm so proud of him!

Heartbreak Again

Many of you may not know the recent news. We found out March 3 that we were having twins. We were so excited and thankful that we had 2 babies. But on Sunday we lost both of them.

I can't begin to tell you how I feel. But I am still hopeful and I trust that God will see us through. I am so thankful for everyone who loves us and is always there for us.

We are going to try again but in a few months. I'm going to let my body and heart heal. I know God will bless us with a baby one day and it is that hope that keeps me going. I also know that my 3 beautiful children are in heaven, playing together. Some days that makes me feel good and some days it makes me bawl. It definetely has not been easy for us and we ask that you keep us in your prayers.

Korean Food is Oh So Good!

Well I'm five weeks now! I am huuuuuuungry. All the time. I am trying my best to eat fruits and vegetables but honestly...they don't hold me over. I feel like my stomach has already popped out a little. Crazy? I know. I'm not eating THAT much. But this morning I looked down and it was there.

My first ultrasound is next Thursday to confirm cardiac activity. I'm so excited to see our baby for the first time. Besides the fact that I'm a ravenous tired hippo (that's what I feel like sometimes) I don't feel pregnant if that makes sense. I remember thinking that with Alyssa. I leave this post rather short. No big updates right now until next Thursday!