Today is Alyssa's first birthday. It truly breaks my heart but at the same time this is the day that God blessed us with her. I can't help but cry and at the same time rejoice.
One year ago our world was turned upside down. I was flown to Columbia for an emergency C-section not knowing whether I would ever see my little girl alive. But God gave us time with her and I am so thankful for that.
We got to see how she always wanted her left foot outside of her snuglet. Every time the nurse would put it back in, she would always find a way to stick it back out. We got to see how she wanted to know everything that was going on. If someone came into the room she would always look. One day she started to get upset at a doctor who she could not see. That's when I realized that I had a feisty little one on my hands (FLO for short). We were able to read to her, to sing to her, and to place one giant finger in her tiny hand. We had really good days and really bad days. We were told that she wouldn't make it but she made it 11 days more than what they thought. Our little girl was a fighter and an inspiration to many. My little girl, my precious angel who would be turning 1 today.
How my heart aches. I should be choosing her party outfit and theme. I know one day we will be together and for that, my heart rejoices. I like to think that when that happens we'll have the biggest, awesomest party ever. I mean, Jesus and my little girl will be there and that in itself makes it awesome!
We decided to get a cherry blossom tree for her birthday. We'll plant it at church. Cherry blossoms were what Alyssa's room was going to be decorated in so I think that tree is more than fitting for our little girl. I think we may get a cake because we want to celebrate her birth. What better way to celebrate than with cake?
So Happy Birthday, my sweet little girl. Be on the lookout for the balloons we are sending up. We love you so much!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Empty Nest
Ok so it's been a loooong time. But my family visited to include my mom, sister, and brothers! They stayed with me for almost a month. It just made me realize how much I want to be near family. Especially since my brothers are growing up so much. We had so much fun hanging out. And I had to take them to the airport today. Booo!
Jamie is finishing up his last red cycle (yay!). Who knows what God has for us (or where actually) in the near future. Everything is up in the air. I really really reaaaaaaally want to stay here. I honestly thought I would never say that. But this is where my heart is right now and I want to continue to be involved in my church and the foundation (of course!). Here is a picture of us having fun with the photo booth. Ahhhh I miss them.
Jamie is finishing up his last red cycle (yay!). Who knows what God has for us (or where actually) in the near future. Everything is up in the air. I really really reaaaaaaally want to stay here. I honestly thought I would never say that. But this is where my heart is right now and I want to continue to be involved in my church and the foundation (of course!). Here is a picture of us having fun with the photo booth. Ahhhh I miss them.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Prayer 101
No this post isn't an introduction to prayer or how to pray but rather to pray first in every situation. Back in April Jamie got me a charm bracelet with a heart locket that has Alyssa's initials engraved on the back.
I had a lot to do today and I remembered putting my bracelet on and the locket was there. I went to the bank, the commissary and the shoppette. When I got home I started to put away the groceries and wanted to start working on the cupcakes I am taking to Jamie's work tomorrow. I went to take off my bracelet and the locket wasn't there.
Upset is such an understatement. I called all the places I went to, hoping someone found it and returned it. I couldn't remember the last time I saw it. I even called USAA to see what I had to do to make a claim on our valuable personal property. I didn't want to make a claim yet - I was going to wait a couple of days to see if it would turn up.
Funny how I did all this before I prayed. After crying on the phone with the USAA rep a small voice asked me if I had exhausted all my options. I realized that the first thing I should have done was prayed. I was so frantic to retrace my steps that I didn't even think about asking for help.
I prayed and I asked if I could find it or someone honest would find it. After praying I felt better and decided to make the cupcakes. After I finished I started to straighten up around the house. When I went to put away some purses I had dragged out, I heard "Look in the laundry basket". And there it was! It had been in my house the whole time, even before I left the house.
I don't know why I always try to fix the problem myself before praying. You'd think I would have learned by now! Another lesson in Prayer 101.
I had a lot to do today and I remembered putting my bracelet on and the locket was there. I went to the bank, the commissary and the shoppette. When I got home I started to put away the groceries and wanted to start working on the cupcakes I am taking to Jamie's work tomorrow. I went to take off my bracelet and the locket wasn't there.
Upset is such an understatement. I called all the places I went to, hoping someone found it and returned it. I couldn't remember the last time I saw it. I even called USAA to see what I had to do to make a claim on our valuable personal property. I didn't want to make a claim yet - I was going to wait a couple of days to see if it would turn up.
Funny how I did all this before I prayed. After crying on the phone with the USAA rep a small voice asked me if I had exhausted all my options. I realized that the first thing I should have done was prayed. I was so frantic to retrace my steps that I didn't even think about asking for help.
I prayed and I asked if I could find it or someone honest would find it. After praying I felt better and decided to make the cupcakes. After I finished I started to straighten up around the house. When I went to put away some purses I had dragged out, I heard "Look in the laundry basket". And there it was! It had been in my house the whole time, even before I left the house.
I don't know why I always try to fix the problem myself before praying. You'd think I would have learned by now! Another lesson in Prayer 101.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Hold My Heart
Thursday was Hold My Heart's ribbon cutting. I didn't think Jamie was going to be able to attend but he surprised me! It was so nice to see him there as well as really great friends. It's nice to know so many support us and encourage us in this endeavor. As scary as it may be sometimes, I know that this is what God wants us to do. Sometimes it seems daunting but if we help one person who may come to a relationship with Christ then our mission is accomplished. Of course we want to help as many people as we can and it is this purpose that keeps me going no matter how overwhelmed I feel.
God will give us the right people at the right time. At Crossover I spoke with each band. It is my dream to have a benefit concert with uplifting music. Not everyone seemed receptive and that is fine. Jackie was there to support me (I really appreciate it Jackalita). I am going to share our story everyone who will listen. I spoke with Sanctus Real and Matt (the lead singer) seemed interested. When we left I told Jackie that people who are going through or have gone through or know someone who is/is going through what we went through will be more willing to help us. People help causes that they are affected by or feel closest to. I understand that. Well later on that night it turns out that Matt is going through a similar situation. I didn't know prior to speaking with him and it truly amazes me how God weaves everything together. I can't see the design of it but I have to trust no matter what - even if it seems like it is unravelling. Please pray for him and his family and check out their music. I really like "Keep My Heart Alive" from their new CD. It's beautiful and is how I feel sometimes.
As hard as it has been Hold My Heart has been a life saver. I've always wanted a way to help others in a way that glorifies God, no matter what the cost. I've had to learn sacrifice, patience, trust (among other things) this past year. I have to hold on that this will make me and Jamie better ambassadors for Christ. I want this foundation to succeed for His will and also for my daughter. In a way it is a way that I can be a mother to her here on Earth. It might be hard to understand but I didn't get a chance to do what normal new mommies get to do. So in a way this is my way to show my love for God and for my beautiful daughter. It's what motivates me and keeps me from crumbling under the enormous weight I feel at times.
I know a lot of you support us and for that I am so thankful. There are so many people that I can and can't name that have been there for us. I hope you know how thankful we are for you.
God will give us the right people at the right time. At Crossover I spoke with each band. It is my dream to have a benefit concert with uplifting music. Not everyone seemed receptive and that is fine. Jackie was there to support me (I really appreciate it Jackalita). I am going to share our story everyone who will listen. I spoke with Sanctus Real and Matt (the lead singer) seemed interested. When we left I told Jackie that people who are going through or have gone through or know someone who is/is going through what we went through will be more willing to help us. People help causes that they are affected by or feel closest to. I understand that. Well later on that night it turns out that Matt is going through a similar situation. I didn't know prior to speaking with him and it truly amazes me how God weaves everything together. I can't see the design of it but I have to trust no matter what - even if it seems like it is unravelling. Please pray for him and his family and check out their music. I really like "Keep My Heart Alive" from their new CD. It's beautiful and is how I feel sometimes.
As hard as it has been Hold My Heart has been a life saver. I've always wanted a way to help others in a way that glorifies God, no matter what the cost. I've had to learn sacrifice, patience, trust (among other things) this past year. I have to hold on that this will make me and Jamie better ambassadors for Christ. I want this foundation to succeed for His will and also for my daughter. In a way it is a way that I can be a mother to her here on Earth. It might be hard to understand but I didn't get a chance to do what normal new mommies get to do. So in a way this is my way to show my love for God and for my beautiful daughter. It's what motivates me and keeps me from crumbling under the enormous weight I feel at times.
I know a lot of you support us and for that I am so thankful. There are so many people that I can and can't name that have been there for us. I hope you know how thankful we are for you.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Summertime
Summer! I am excited for this summer. There is so much to do and so much to look forward to. I'm not going to talk too much about the organization in this blog except that I am very excited about possible things this summer.
My family is coming out in July. Both of my brothers will be here and I am so so soooooo excited about that! I have been thinking of things to do here in Missouri and I am also excited that they will be here for the walk for Hold My Heart (please pray that this works out!). Also my mom and grandma will be here and I'm looking forward to just spending time with them. Hopefully Jessica will come out as well.
This weekend we went camping with our good friends Mark, Jackie, their 4 kiddos and Adam. Let me tell you it was not camping camping. It was light camping. We slept in a camper and I was able to take a shower - but it was super fun! I realized this weekend that graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow make for a delicious snack. I guess I forgot just how yummy smores are! I want another one!
Jamie's class graduates Thursday but he has to pick up another class on Monday. Boo! Which means that I will have just a couple of days with him before I won't see him again. Please pray that everything goes well with this group of privates. This will be Jamie's last full red phase. Amazing how time flies.
Speaking of...Yesterday was the 9-month mark. Crazy to think that just a year ago I was barely showing and craving, well everything. Three more months will be a year and I can't believe that time has flown so quickly. God has blessed us in so many ways and I truly hope that people can see more of Him and less of me. I know Jamie feels that way as well and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to be a better person everyday. I know you all continue to pray for us and I thank you for that.
Now it is time to shop!!! Ahhhh summer. :)
My family is coming out in July. Both of my brothers will be here and I am so so soooooo excited about that! I have been thinking of things to do here in Missouri and I am also excited that they will be here for the walk for Hold My Heart (please pray that this works out!). Also my mom and grandma will be here and I'm looking forward to just spending time with them. Hopefully Jessica will come out as well.
This weekend we went camping with our good friends Mark, Jackie, their 4 kiddos and Adam. Let me tell you it was not camping camping. It was light camping. We slept in a camper and I was able to take a shower - but it was super fun! I realized this weekend that graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow make for a delicious snack. I guess I forgot just how yummy smores are! I want another one!
Jamie's class graduates Thursday but he has to pick up another class on Monday. Boo! Which means that I will have just a couple of days with him before I won't see him again. Please pray that everything goes well with this group of privates. This will be Jamie's last full red phase. Amazing how time flies.
Speaking of...Yesterday was the 9-month mark. Crazy to think that just a year ago I was barely showing and craving, well everything. Three more months will be a year and I can't believe that time has flown so quickly. God has blessed us in so many ways and I truly hope that people can see more of Him and less of me. I know Jamie feels that way as well and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who encourages me to be a better person everyday. I know you all continue to pray for us and I thank you for that.
Now it is time to shop!!! Ahhhh summer. :)
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
News
So I am seeing a new doctor. One of my friends suggested that I get tested for clotting. I went a couple of weeks ago and they took 16 vials! 16! It was pretty crazy and funny. I had 4 lab techs going over all of the labels to make sure they had all the correct vials. And yesterday the results were in...
Turns out I have Factor V. What? I know. My thinking too. But it turns out that my friend who suggested that I get tested for it has it as well. Amazing how God sets everything into place isn't it? I would have never asked to get tested if it weren't for Lisa.
So what does it mean? Basically that I have a clotting problem. I have an appointment May 18 and we will then lay out a treatment and go over everything. I'm not too sure about everything and I will have more information. But basically it can cause complications with the umbilical cord and miscarriage. Which is what I went through with Alyssa and the twins.
When I first found out I was angry. In a way it was like revisiting a lot of what I had put to peace. But Jamie brought up a good point...there's no reason to revisit or wonder what if. What we know now will help the future but can't change the past. I just couldn't help but be upset. Why didn't the doctor at least check with Alyssa? I couldn't help but think maybe it would have helped her.
But the blessing is that now we know. I pray that we will not lose another baby and one day we will have lots to post about our baby!
Turns out I have Factor V. What? I know. My thinking too. But it turns out that my friend who suggested that I get tested for it has it as well. Amazing how God sets everything into place isn't it? I would have never asked to get tested if it weren't for Lisa.
So what does it mean? Basically that I have a clotting problem. I have an appointment May 18 and we will then lay out a treatment and go over everything. I'm not too sure about everything and I will have more information. But basically it can cause complications with the umbilical cord and miscarriage. Which is what I went through with Alyssa and the twins.
When I first found out I was angry. In a way it was like revisiting a lot of what I had put to peace. But Jamie brought up a good point...there's no reason to revisit or wonder what if. What we know now will help the future but can't change the past. I just couldn't help but be upset. Why didn't the doctor at least check with Alyssa? I couldn't help but think maybe it would have helped her.
But the blessing is that now we know. I pray that we will not lose another baby and one day we will have lots to post about our baby!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Paintball and 13 miles
This weekend was fun and challening. Fun for Jamie, challenging for me. Jamie paintballed and it was fun watching him. I walked 13 miles and about died. Ok so maybe I'm overexaggerating but I really could not walk for the rest of the day Saturday. Although it hurt Sunday and today I felt energized and I wanted to go out and walk...maybe not 13 miles but more than what I usually do.
Jamie's little brother (Johnny) is in town. It's nice because he enjoys to cook. So we'll make some meals together. He joined the National Guard and will be going through basic this summer. Amazing how time flies. This year Jamie and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary. When I first met Johnny he was 13. Now he's 21 and in the National Guard! Crazy.
It's so nice to catch up with people; I truly love Facebook! This month I've found at least 5 people that I went to middle school with. I miss those days! It's so nice to catch up with everyone and see what they are up to. Yay for Facebook! :)
Jamie's little brother (Johnny) is in town. It's nice because he enjoys to cook. So we'll make some meals together. He joined the National Guard and will be going through basic this summer. Amazing how time flies. This year Jamie and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary. When I first met Johnny he was 13. Now he's 21 and in the National Guard! Crazy.
It's so nice to catch up with people; I truly love Facebook! This month I've found at least 5 people that I went to middle school with. I miss those days! It's so nice to catch up with everyone and see what they are up to. Yay for Facebook! :)
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